douchrti’s blog

It was late, I had put off going to the Software Convention
till the last minute. I just had to watch my favorite show
on TV, "S-Files".  Its that episode where the Computer
Salespeople all turn into Pod People and ,,,,well never
mind. Its really scary!  

So I'm driving down the lonely one lane road from my house
to the Convention. Its dark and the shadows are creepy, I'll
never watch S-Files again, I swear! I pull into the parking
lot, the convention is being held in the old YMCA. Geez, its
dark, only 1 parking lot light and its flickering on and
off. As I walk up to the entrance, I remember the old story
about how, back in the Dot.Com days, when they tanked, the
building was used as a makeshift morgue, to hold all the
bodies of the CEO’s who committed suicide.  

I get this really creepy feeling on the back of my neck as I
go in,,,,oh, its just a Linux software salesman at the first
booth. Is it my imagination or are his eyes glowing?  

I head to the registration desk to get a program. I see the
place is kind of empty, guess cause its so late. Well, I'm
here to see who is offering the latest demos and what kind
of freebies I can score.  

The front booths are usually the big sellers and they never
give away freebies or demos. So I head to the back, hmmm,
the lights back here are terrible!  

Here's a booth, Anti-Spyware 4 U. The salesman shuffles up
to me and says "Please take a demo of our new product". I
look at it, it says this is the latest greatest software to
combat Spyware. I take the CD out of the plain paper cover
and look at the Logo. Its just a plain shiny cd? Wow I can
see myself in it I remark.  

"We spared no expense" a voice says behind me, making me
jump. I didn't even know he was behind me. Wait, I should
have seen him behind me in the reflection off the CD. I I've
got to be imagining things I say to myself.  

I ask the salesman for a brochure about their other products
and as he hands it to me, our fingers brush each others.
Jeez! His fingers are as cold as ice! Well, he is a salesman
after all.  

I thank him and head off to the other booths, seeing that
I've gotten here too late after all, everybody is leaving. I
decide to swing by the refreshments table to see if I can at
least get a drink and some cookies.  

It sure is dark in here I think again as I come up to the
table. As I scan the table, a little old lady comes up and
asks me if Id like any milk and cookies. Yes Mam I reply.
She hands me a little plate with cookies and paper cup of
something white. I assume its milk, but its so dark in here!
And there seems to be a fog or steam on the surface of the
milk. Well beggars cant be choosers I think to myself  as I
thank her. She gives me a freaky cackling laugh as I turn
away, stunned I turn back around and to my Horror, there is
no-one there! Where in blazes did she go ?  

I'm out of here my mind screams to me as I head for the door
at a ever faster walk. In a minute I'm in my car with the
doors locked and the engine warming up.  

Whew, That was the strangest Convention I've ever seen. All
the way home I've got a death grip on the wheel, just
waiting for something to jump out of the shadows. Like a IBM
salesman, now that would be scary!  

If only I had known the other horrors that awaited me! I
breathe a sigh of relief as I close and lock the living room
door behind me. Still shaking my head I head over to my
computer to try out this latest and greatest Anti-Spyware
Software. As it boots, I get a message to disable my own
Anti-Spyware program. I thing this odd, but I remember
reading somewhere online that some programs can conflict
with others so I comply.  

After a few seconds I get a message that the new Program is
installed and it needs to connect to get possible updates.
So I get online and let it do its thing. A reboot is needed
it says, OK so I reboot. The computer comes up and I get
online to check out the latest results of the Mullet
contest. what's this ? This isn't my Homepage, it’s a site
where you can ,,,Holy Hand Grenades! Its Porn!  

I close the Browser and man alive, I'm beset by about a
dozen pop ups offering me things that, well, no decent
person would want. I'm figuring now that I've been had by
this Anti-Spyware CD.  

I do a Restore and get back to my Online Mullet competition
site. Then I remember that I need to transfer some money in
my savings to my checking account. So I head to the Bank
site and take care of it. I must be tired, the computer
seems slow to me. I check my mail and the wait to login is
frustrating.  

I decide to call it a night. I'll take care of it tomorrow.
After a tossing and turning night and dreams of my computer
melting, the new day dawns. With a cup of coffee I head to
the computer to see who won the Mullet Contest. The boot
takes forever and the login freezes the first time so I have
to power off and back on again.  

I'm really mad by now. I've been had by some sleazy software
company! I finally get online but the Mullet competition
site wont load. I cant tell if it’s the computer or maybe
the online connection.  

As it dawns on me that I'm going to  have to take it in for
service, I hope I've got some extra in my savings to cover
it. I head to the Bank site but it wont load either. Then I
notice the Hard Disk light blinking away. I'm not doing
anything at the time so it shouldn't be accessing anything.
Cursing, I turn the computer off and pick up the phone to
call the bank.  

I get a live person after waiting only 5 minutes so I figure
the day may be improving. I give her my account info and she
comes back saying "I show that account being closed last
night after all money was withdrawn"! .  

There must be a mistake I say, she checks it again and says
its true. The money in the account was transferred to a Bank
she has never heard of in ,,,,Transylvania of all places. As
I hang up in shock, I could have sworn I heard her laughing
just like the old lady at the convention did last night.  

I figure I better head to the Police Station to get some
help. In a Panic I head for town. As I make the last turn
into town, I glance towards the location of the YMCA, where
all this started, only to see its not there! Its burned to
the ground! Stunned, I stop in the street and get out.
Nothing but ashes. The Man in the car behind me gets out and
asks me if I'm ok. I mumble I'm lucky to be alive, I could
have died in there last night. Puzzled the man says, but the
YMCA burned down 2 nights ago!  

As I get back into the car, I glance at the spot on the seat
where I put the CD and the Pamphlet. Gone. Just a little
pile of dust. At the Police station, a sergeant takes down
my story and informs me I've been the victim of online
Identity theft. As I'm leaving, A couple of kids run by, in
costumes, yelling "Happy Halloween"  

Are you scared ? You should be!

About the Author:
Doug Woodall writes to educate about computer security.
He also hopes you visit his website at
http://www.spywarebiz.com the next time you need a computer
security product.   

Once apon a time, there was a young lady who became lost
while traveling.  

She decided to pull over at a rest stop and get online with
her laptop to find directions. As she booted up her trusty
laptop, she remembered her AntiVirus was about to expire.
Well, she thought, I'll just search online for something
that will get me by for now. The search engine results
offered a variety of results, all claiming to be the
best...some even claimed to cure gout!

First she reviewed the freebies. FreeAntiVirus4u.com looked
good, but wait, here's a review about it that says it's
actually Spyware! That won't do.  

Ah, here's one that's only $ 12.95 and if I download it
right now, Wow,I get a Ginsu knife set for free with it!
They even cut pipe! But alas, she noticed that it had no
online protection and the signatures had to be updated
manually. This one won't do either.

Goldilocks was beginning to wonder if this was worth all the
trouble. After all she thought, I just need a quick look at
WolfsMaps.com and I can be on my way to Grandmas, but just
then she remembered the website she had been recommended to
last week. What a cute dog the websites Company Mascot was!
The site stated that a computer could be hacked very easily
without proper protection.  

The thought of losing all of Grandmas recipes stored on her
hard drive gave her a chill. The site also said, be it free,
cheap or expensive, make sure it works for you! Read the
agreement, read the manual, educate yourself in its use,
also check reviews for customer satisfaction. Sounds like
good advice she thought.

Goldilocks now felt purpose in her quest. She would insure
her online safety, and then get directions over the hill and
thru the woods. Wait a minute, That Website with the cute
dog! She was sure it would have  what she needed. It just
felt....safe, like Grandmas house. After all, her Internet
Security was paramount! She had heard horror stories about
those wolves lurking online to take advantage of
unsuspecting souls. Especially during full moons. (Opps,
wrong story)

As the site loaded, she gasped! Ah, this is just right!

After just a few minutes she found an Anti Virus Product
that ranked in the top 4! And it was not even expensive.
Happily she downloaded and installed it. It only took her a
few minutes to set it up. Before she rebooted to finish the
install, she bookmarked the site so she could return later.
She wanted information on Anti Spyware Products too. And
there was a article titled "Facts about Firewalls" that
looked interesting.  

A few minutes later at Wolfsmaps.com she found where she had
made her wrong turn. The way she was going now led to
"Wolfsburg" where the "Lil Red Riding Hood Memorial" was. As
she pulled back onto the freeway she thought, this would
have made a great story!

Goldilocks was one of the lucky ones. Many have no idea they
are not adequately protected while online. Some suffer
incidents of identity theft which is rising drastically.
Insure your Online Safety.

About the Author: Doug Woodall writes to educate about
computer security.
He also hopes you visit his website at
http://www.spywarebiz.com the next time you need a computer
securty product.

The ships bell had just sounded the dogwatch as Captain Skag
began to check his email. He had just began to read his
favorite E-zine, "Pirates gone wild" when his first mate
burst into the cabin. "Captain, a dark ship approaches!"
He cried.  

The captain, after running up on deck, examined the ship
with his spyglass. "Shiver me hard drives" he bellowed as
he saw the lay of her jib.  

"Shes a wardriver! " (Note of historical Interest, a
Wardriver is a term used to describe a way of searching for
unsecure wireless networks.)  

"They be after plundering information on the ships server!
Quick me mateys, prepare to repel boarders." The crew
scrambled to turn their laptops off while the Captain rushed
to turn the wireless router off.  

Up on deck, the crew watched as the dark ship faded into the
night.  

The Captain had no sooner settled back at his computer when
again the cabin door burst open, this time it was the cook.
"Blimey Captain, all my recipes files are gone!" This was
bad news because the cooks famous secret recipe for chile con carne
was highly sought after since winning 1st place at the
Pirates ball last year. Thank the Kraken we have our
backups" the Captain growled. The cook, cursing, left.  

Well, back to my email the captain thought. He pushed the
send/receive button on his email client. "Blow me down" he
bellowed, (Pirate Captains bellow a lot) "Whats all  
this SPAM mail doing in my inbox?"

This was getting as back as a case of scurvy.

As he sat, his rage boiling, he became aware of a lot of
yelling coming from the crews quarters. "Now what" he
cursed as he made his way forward. Upon entering the crew
area he was assailed by a thunderous din of curses. (Pirates
curse a lot)  

The Spainiard was yelling he couldn't get his new game,
"Pirates Revenge " to load. The Italian couldn't get into his stock portfolio.
(Yes pirates have retirement plans too). The others were
drowned out by the first mate yelling about his Blog being Hacked.

As he surveyed the carnage, the captain noticed one of the
crewman sitting calmly, using his laptop with apparently no
problems. Bellowing loudly for quiet, he asked the crewman
who he now remembered came from the land of Unix, why he was
not upset.  

He looked up, and said "Why Captain, I've got a AntiVirus
program along with good AntiSpyware and a reliable Firewall. I'm
protected from brute force attacks, Phishing emails and
drive by downloads." He went on to say that it looked like the ships
server was accessed through the wireless router, which was not
secured with WEP (wired/wireless equivalent privacy).  

"Arrrgg", he bellowed, the IT dogs back at the Island
hideaway had told him all was peachy with the network when
they sailed to pilage and plunder.  

The crewman whose name was Billy said he could get things
ship shape by giving the other crewman the CD's of his
AntiSpyware, AntiVirus and his 3rd party Firewall.... for a
price! "Aye," the Captain replied wit a feeling of dread,
"Whats your price?"  

Soon all onboard were back online and secure. Billy had his
pockets stuffed with pieces of eight and of course, was
wearing the Captains hat, looking mighty pleased with his  
bargaining skills.

The Captain headed back to his cabin, worried that mutiny
may be afoot. He had heard Billy telling the crew about those
cursed Macs!  

The lesson learned here was obvious; You need to secure your
network. AntiVirus and AntiSpyware is a must, So is a
reliable Firewall. Anything less, you might as well be
walking the plank, Matey!  

Arrrrgggg!

About the Author: Doug Woodall writes to educate about
computer security.
He also hopes you visit his website at
http://www.spywarebiz.com the next time you need a computer
securty product.

I prefer a mix of re-done oldies and new stuff.